FUCK YOU WE'RE HOSTCHOPPER THE ONLY WEBHOST WITH A FUCKING CHOPPER

WE'LL HOST YOUR SHITTY SITE

We'll host whatever. Who cares. Just send us some goddamned money. Our uptime blows but hey, if you don't like it, go host with someone who pretends to give a shit about your "small-to-medium-sized business". LOL. THEY ALL HATE YOU AND YOUR SITE AS MUCH AS WE DO, WE'RE JUST THE ONLY ONES WHO DON'T HIDE IT.

HOST WITH US OR WE'LL BLOW UP SOMETHING DEAR TO YOU.

WE'LL ABUSE YOU

Our Customer Support agents openly hate you. That's because if you need help you're an idiot. It's just web hosting, goddamn! It's FTP, SSH, and some stupid webserver. THAT'S IT. The hard part was setting up the goddamn hardware and WE ALREADY DID THAT FOR YOU. PLUS WE HAVE A NEW AND IMPROVED 4.55% UPTIME GUARANTEE WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT YOU STUPID GREASY SLOTH.

OUR REAL DOMAIN GOT STOLEN

Some shithead stole hostchopper.com while we were interred in a third world prison camp due to a certain "drug related debt" we refused to pay. WELL WE'RE BACK AND WE'RE WORKING ON TAKING THE SQUATTER OUT. Our squad of highly-trained killer Linux penguins are on the fucking case.

But in the meantime we just registered the first shitty domain we could find. IT'S 2016 NOBODY CARES ABOUT DOMAINS ANYMORE GRANDPA.
 

OUR HOSTING PLANS

STUPID FREE SHITTY WUSS PLAN

  $0.00/month
100 MB disk storage
1000 page views per month
1 stupid site
69 attempts to steal your identity
4.55% uptime

OBAMA SPY DRONE PLAN

  $6.43/month
10 GB disk storage
100000 page views per month
10 stupid sites
69 attempts to steal your identity
4.55% uptime

ROCK SOLID ATTACK CHOPPER VPS

  $26.09/month
100 GB disk storage
UNLTD page views per month
UNLTD stupid sites
69 attempts to steal your identity
4.55% uptime

BADASS MURDER SHARK KLOUD

  $46.50/month
1000 GB KLOUD® storage
WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT PAGE VIEWS
...OR YOUR STUPID SITES
69 attempts to steal your identity
4.55% uptime

SIGN UP TO GET RIPPED OFF

Whenever we get around to plugging our i386s back into the phone jacks at our data center, we'll start taking your money again. SIGN UP AND BE THE FIRST TO GET SWINDLED.

Please note, we absolutely 100% WILL sell your email address to spammers. You can fucking bet on it.

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